According to the 1996 edition of the SAS Survival Guide, step number 14 on the road to successful... success.... is to perfect camouflage. And clean all weapons thoroughly with oil and boot polish most mornings. But we considered the latter part less relevant.
Surely, in order to achieve the title of Grand Hipster we needed to master the art of camouflage. And fast, if we were to avoid being consumed by ravenous, pop-culture starved maniacs wearing large rimmed glasses, who had exposed us as Rhianna fans (she is good, isn't she!) and consumers of mass-produced... products.
That was a lesson we learnt in 'Nam, and we never forgot it.
|Here's us with a young Steven Segal (centre) in 1965 on a morale boosting visit.|
So off we went, with haste in our step, jumping into the Kia Carnival with glee and driving off into the dusky Melbourne wilderness... to Camberwell.
"Camberwell?" we hear you say. "Didn't that score really low on your comprehensive poll of all places considered independent and hipster?"
Well yes, but we were listening to Belle and Sebastian at the time, and we arrived late for the Camberwell market, an act of such independent thought and apathy that it surely justifies our decision. That and the fact that the obscure obscure Korean car we were driving had no petrol.
The Acquisition begins...
Unfortunately for us, arriving late for a market is not economically beneficial to anyone, and we could neither browse, nor acquire anything apart from photos and memories... and we got distracted by a bookstore and a very bulbous mushroom.
So we did what all self-respecting indies would do in that situation, and found a sweet retro clothes store nearby. Here it is. Look! An indie bike! On a ceiling... good.
After much perusing, and fraternising with the friendly staff (who we would have asked out, but James Dean got there first), we compiled our uniforms.
On our journey of clothing discovery we encountered the "baja", a strange amalgamation of Clint Eastwood's poncho, and a hoodie on acid, and generally expanded our repertoire of looks... other than blue steel, that is...
|The helpful woman who James Dean stole.|
|Wasn't your grandma knitting you one of these?|
|A very postmodern conversation...|
|The lads sporting a Baja and sweater respectively|
Well, we certainly learnt a vast amount... For example: we didn't know Cape Cod existed outside of preppie, pseudo-afrobeat pop music from the Eastern seaboard. And that sweet and sour sauce doesn't go well with chicken and chips. And that Jacob Darlison does't like the Libertines. But those are stories for another time.
And now, faithful audience, here are the scores you've been waiting for... not just waiting, but we know you've been depriving yourselves of sleep, food and the odd shower in anticipation of this moment, so it wouldn't do to keep you on tenterhooks for any longer.
However, here's a fun fact... did you know Sea Cows are literally underwater cows?
To the Scores!
Taking photos of mushrooms and shopkeepers after the market has finished: 430
Fighting in Vietnam: -75
Meeting Steven Segal in Vietnam: 600
Thinking we could beat James Dean to the girl: -350
Putting the link of a retro store on our blog (www.againrecycle.com.au) :432
Discovering 'the Baja': 89
Wearing a Baja: 12
Not actually buying anything because of apathy and lack of funds: 35
Not actually buying anything: -70
Eating chicken and chips with sweet and sour sauce: -39
Total: 324 Indie PointsLevel: I just ordered a weak low fat skinny soy latte.
Out of 100, 000 required indie points, the lads have not only summarily failed to be significantly independent, but have also fuelled talk that they might appear in an edition of "Skins US". Oh dear.
Tune in next time to see if the lads can roll into the thousands... on their quest to become....
Grand Master Hipsters!