Monday, 8 August 2011

The A-sides

And so, three days from the month anniversary of our last post... the lads have come crawling back from the dustbin of... well... just a dustbin. We gave up living in a house for a while, because it was too mainstream. Thus, no blog posts, new found grizzly bear (not the band, the ursine animal) friends and an appreciation for dumpster diving.

Jeremy and Michael showing us how it's done.

And so, on a new note, the lads have decided to continue cracking open the clam-like world of the hipster as if it were simply a frail egg, lacking the crucial levels of potassium which would ordinarily render it strong and uncrackable.

This week, having only listened to the furious squalling of cats and the post-punk reggae beats of the famous bear-band "Unbearable" for the past four weeks, the lads decided that it was time to unpack the world of indie music...

And what better theme for our blog than that of a concept album? Aptly titled "[white noise]"

Track 1 - Clich├ęs and Coffee

 As with all of our blogs, it began with an obligatory coffee, with the lads both sporting new haircuts. Which they got on the same day. At the same place. By the same 2nd generation Italian man with a penchant for Collingwood, bad language and German sportscars. (But seriously, he's really good, Studio Oggi, Belmore shops, get there!)

Then the lads hopped on Pitchfork to do their groundwork (not an actual Pitchfork, that would hurt):

And what did they discover? Well apparently, Hipsters are into a few bands right now:

Bon Iver, Kanye, Sufjan Stevens, anyone who played at Splendour (excluding Coldplay), 50s swing, Arcade Fire, mildly talented buskers and mullet-era U2.
Also a Mullet

A Mullet
But there was one problem... in all of our research the same bands kept recurring again and again. In fact some would say that these "independent" bands were easily as popular, well-known and culture-driven as any pop band. Ever. Disappointing.

Clearly if these bands were making the top-100 albums of 2010 and 2011, they were not going to earn us many indie-points at all... and from last count... we needed many! (also to make up for the symmetrical haircuts we just got)


Track 2 - Gigs
(This is evidently the boring track on the album, which is mainly useful for putting toddlers to sleep, or keeping nursing homes sedate, think Chris de Burgh or the Corrs...)

Perhaps if we went to indie gigs we could soak up these elusive indie points?

So here we are, at some gigs! Hoorah!

Modest Mouse

Noah and the Whale
 Well, glad that was only a three minute song... and rightly so. Naturally, just going to these gigs did not increase our indie points by much, particularly as there were more than five people at both gigs, and Jeremy and Michael were not allowed entry.

The Corner just couldn't bear the thought... and Jeremy was so annoyed he destroyed the ice-sculpture he'd spent all week creating. He just couldn't bear it...

Jeremy! Calm down!

Track 3 - Artful Critique

However, the lads came to realise that perhaps there could be a relationship between hipsterdom, gigs and review websites... if we were to critique these popular indie bands, surely we would gain the high moral ground of what Rupert Murdoch calls "slagging off"'.

Of course, we would need to find some sort of "getting there but hasn't actually quite made it" review website from which to launch our critical career.

And, what a coincidence, we stumbled upon four reclusive, strange men who owned such a website one dark night in a Nevada dessert... and they, being strapped for cash and very forgiving, allowed Chris to write a distinctly average review of a Modest Mouse gig, which can be read by following this "linky thing", it's sort of like a blue underlined portal into the interwebs... anyway, just click it! 

We met them in-between the cherries
Wireless Bollinger was the up-and-coming website onto which Chris' verbal diarrhoea was unloaded, and they were surprisingly lovely about the whole thing. Like a cuddle from your Mum on Christmas day.

This was all well and good, and frankly, writing a review of an indie band on an indie review website, is fairly indie, and allows us to hideously overuse the word "indie", but surely there were greater, more dizzying heights to ascend! Surely true Hipsters would have nothing to do with a piece of music that had been listened to before... by human ears. Surely the howler monkeys of the Amazon were more hipster than mere Modest Mouse? (not the animal)

Track 4 - In search of something new

And so, characteristically, this blog post will end with a photo montage of the lads doing stupid things... this time with pots, pans, glasses, instrument abuse and pieces of semi-tropical fruit.

Because, in the end... real indies never get signed.

After eating a delicious sandwich, the lads got to work on their new recording project. This was so indie it was to be recorded solely on our ears so as to preserve the anonymity and limited release aspect to the experience.

Playing the Tango...

Our cameraman was rather short
For fear of appearing sizeist, the lads adopted a more appropriate stance.

And now, having inadequately explained those photos...

To the Scores!

Going to three gigs in two weeks: 542
Paying to see bands: -321
Not seeing the bands in a field: -202
Spending four weeks in a dustbin with amiable bears: 1237
Moving back to society: -1237
Replacing Pitchfork with a suitably obscure yet amazing review website (Shameless plug for Wireless Bollinger): 998
Writing a review for said website: 734
Getting symmetrical haircuts, again, on the same day: -348
Recording atonal music solely in our ears:1301
Meeting the hipster owners of a hipster website near a gateaux: 2000 
Making a delicious sandwich (we're really just scrapping for crumbs here aren't we): 24
Making you wait for another post, not just because we couldn't be bothered, but because we're playing hard to get: 432

Total:                        9679 Indie Points
Level:                       Knitted their own kilts for highland shindigs.

To say that the boys now resemble eccentric Scottish lairds would be foolish, but only in the same way that Jeremy Clarkson uses the word. (If you understood that sentence, give yourself a pat on the back)

The world of unrecorded, unloved, and generally pretty crap music has been extensively perused by the boys on their journey, and much still lies on the road between Jacob, Chris and Grand Hipsterdom...

Have a lovely week. 

Much Love,

The Lads

1 comment:

  1. Righto boys, I have always loved your work, but I think that you need a little more inspiration, so I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award if you are interested. Pop by and grab the award if you like. Cheers, Meg